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| Talk guesting event, UST Tourism (2014) |
I woke up
one morning feeling the recently-familiar old-man’s hang-over! Not that I’m accepting ‘oldness’, but that
bout with morning dizziness and the usual name tease of ‘uncle’ by outdoor
colleagues sometimes made me think – am I old?
I never felt my age, only in this hang-over thing (and well, reading
font 8 characters!) but it made me think – what if I’m now 70 years old?!
In a lot
of sense, that could be a grand reason to celebrate life (a long life) – but
the other thought that struck me was, what lessons learned should I impart to
my grand children? What can I share
other than those ‘dark stormy night in a cold mountain’ stories?
So here’s
the first in the series – ADVICE TO
YOUNG WOMEN. It would be fun to
revisit this 10 years from now, and another 30years (if I’m still here) and
validate if I still think or feel the same way…most likely not, but here’s the
first version.
Caution:
this is not a product of research, but mere opinion and imagination of the
author. Listen/adhere at your own risk
;) Caution2: you will surely not agree
with some of these.
1. Never get pregnant below 24 years old! Our
genetics ‘failed to evolve’ given current global condition and
environment. 12-13yo early pregnancy is
made possible as human survival programming (given the prehistoric 30yo- life
expectancy). I believe there’s so much
to learn, experience and enjoy as a young woman, and early pregnancy (although
not an issue per se) will greatly reduce that opportunity.
2. Unless you plan to have many kids, start a family in your early 30’s!
This may sound selfish but I see the world to be such a big place to:
live a larger life, meet many more people (several boyfriends may be included),
experience and learn a lot, and allow enough time to fulfil some of your big
dreams! Worried about not having a baby?
Believe in destiny, and read the next one.
3. No matter what, keep fit and healthy! There are
tons of tips on this, just don’t be lazy.
Keep or do one or 2 sports, eat good food (avoid fast food for one),
embed fitness and health in your lifestyle (vs. ‘extra routine’, or
‘effort’). Be mindful of bodily changes,
the sooner you address health or fitness threats, the easier to fix (vs.
waiting when your 30-something). Women
tend to ‘grow horizontally’ in their mid-20s so more fitness focus should be
given around this period in life.
4. What you feel strongly about something now, may not be significant 5 or
so years from now. Don’t invest way too much of your life on
teenage or early 20’s ‘advocacies’ just because it felt right. Focus on what positive change you can
contribute vs. say martyrdom or near-point-of-no-return type of
commitments. Be extra careful with
picture and video “evidences”. It can
haunt you in your later years. Just for visual, a simple non-related “commitment”
example could be getting a tattoo of some weird image or boyfriend’s name -
only to regret it years later.
5. There’s no weaker sex (gender). Women have tremendous power, strength
etc. exhibited/used in many ways. Key
notable ones like persuasiveness, charm, manipulation (good or bad), and other
psyche-related prowess will take you a long, long way! But please don’t abuse this for ‘evil
purposes’, remember karma.
6. Men (especially
Filipinos, Latinos, Mediterreños) can be
very cariñoso
(“charmingly
flirt”) but be aware that men are also naturally predatory, it’s genetic programming. At least most. Hunting and
wanting is programmed in the genes. But it doesn’t mean you avoid, just be
aware and mindful. Don’t be naïve! Learn
how to manage through experience, stories from older/experienced women, or tips
from honest man-friends.
7. Don’t be a man-hater, guys can be long-time super friends! Guy friends, just like boyfriends, also
go through a test in time. If you still have your guy friends for 10+ years –
consider yourself blessed. They
can: help you in tough times (like fix a
flat tire), offer a shoulder to cry on, get man’s perspective on many things
(men makes more sense talking to women than with other men, mostly), show up as
emergency ‘pretend date’ or bodyguard, or driver, etc.
8. There is no “Mr. Right”, only the man at the right place at the right
time. Women
settle down when they’re ready. Pray
that you’ll be lucky to have that ‘Mr. right’ when your internal clock says “it’s
time!”
9. Settle down with someone whom you’ve known for at least 5 years.
5 years of friendship, of
trust-building, of doing activities together, of travelling together, of
“productive fighting/ arguing” – that sort.
It’s not only a time test, it’s a transition.
10. Love your parents! Forever. Your dad – especially, can be an extra long time friend. There will be days that you’ll hate them! But
that’s only a period in time. (Unless
you unfortunately got a really bad set of parents).
11. Keep the Faith! (Or
start one). The modern world has become an inconvenient place for belief, faith
or religion. Some of your friends or
social group may mock you or your Faith/Belief, just ignore them. Faith can
guide you or help you navigate through life.
It will be a great source of strength (or shield) in your most trying
times. It will help you transition from
this life to the next. If you don’t
believe in ‘stuff like that’, then maybe a quest for something spiritual would
be a good add in your life’s plan.
12. Be kind! To people, to animals, to all creations. Love and protect this living planet. For your
future. It’s a bit broken now, but we
can still patch it a bit. Help whom you
can help, in your own small capacity.
13. Treasure your life. For one, don’t “do substance”!
Avoid peers who do. “E”, Coke, Shabu –
they will surely ruin you, and your family’s life. You want to feel high? Climb a mountain! Go
sky-diving, downhill skiing, cliff jumping, base jumping, etc. Also, don’t smoke tobacco. It’s one of the most meaningless and counter-productive inventions of man.
14. Respect your partner. Simple things like nagging, manipulating, etc.
doesn’t help you or anyone. Here’s another trivial thing – please don’t
let your boyfriend carry your hand bag! No matter how hard he insists. It’s called
a lady’s bag for a reason. If you want your Bf to carry your stuff, get him a
men’s bag.
15. Avoid or unlearn useless or unproductive words! Curse words like F*, Sh*, Pu*
should not be in your dictionary. Other
useless words (used in a bad way) may include: “Fine!” “Whatever!” “Nothing!”
“Waw” (not wow); “Loser!”, etc. You may use these at some (early) point
in your life but grow out of them quickly.
16. Learn to let go quickly! Life is like a flowing river. Don’t get stuck on a big rock to freeze a
moment, just let go and move on. Ex.
boyfriends will come and go; pains, suffering, failure, triumph, even success
and happiness - they will all come and
go.
17. Safety and security is a must, all the time. Don’t just rely on other people
(ex. police, security guards, friends), have accountability on your own safety;
be very aware of threats and counter-actions.
One major incident (like rape) can ruin your whole life! Start by fixing your social media accounts
(to avoid stalkers by not sharing too much personal information or movement/
whereabouts). Be street-smart. Arm
yourself with skills and/or actual (legal) weapons, and – more importantly, a good
presence of mind.
18. Go out and lessen your TV/computer time or social media presence. It will not harm you if you limit your social
media time to say 1-2hours per day and only 5x a week. It will give you more time to pursue
real-world matters.
19. Build useful skills! Learn how to cook, how to fix
your bike, or change car/bike tires, fix clothing / bag problems, etc. It will
increase your self confidence and your improve self-sufficiency or
independence.
20. Learn art! Dancing, singing, painting, crafting –
whatever suits you. Skills or talent
enhances one’s beauty and appeal!
21. Finish School! No matter what. Even if you don’t need to work forever.
22. Work! As soon as you finish school, find work. Be
financially independent. You owe it to yourself and your parents. Working for
others, or self-employed - it doesn’t matter. Just work. Earn from work and you earn the right to
live.
23. Travel! When you can afford. The world is such a wonderful place to see
and experience.
24.
Hike or climb mountains! It’s one
of the most rewarding experiences. This one still offered the best
experiences and memories for me. No, it
will not make you ugly; No, it will not make you ‘look like a dirty man’;
instead – you’ll naturally become stronger/fit (physically, mentally, maybe
even spiritually), make you more self-reliant and independent, among many other
good things.
I have a hundred more, but let me improve
this list when I get older and wiser.
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